d'oh!mestic

Another entry for Knitdown 2010: Jeeves, a knitted sock for gentlemen.

Download it for free and take part in the Knitdown.

Eagle-eyed sorts will notice that Jeeves look awfully familiar. I modified the original pattern for a DK weight yarn and cranked out a pair in a gorgeous blue silk blend for my father-in-law’s birthday. The name Jeeves came after my mother gave me metric ton of her Wodehouse and I was reminded how Jeeves came into Bertie’s employ:

“I had found Meadowes, the fellow I had taken to Easeby with me, sneaking my silk socks, a thing no bloke of spirit could stick at any price … I was reluctantly compelled to hand the misguided blighter the mitten and go to London to ask the registry office to dig up another specimen for my approval. They sent me Jeeves.”

So they did.

St. Patrick’s Day 2010 — top down drive, knitting in the sunshine and a cherry limeade from Sonic.

I blame Amadeus.

About a month ago, on one of those dreary February Sunday afternoons, we crashed out on the couch and spent three hours immersed in Mozart, his music, and the utterly fictional plot to murder him for his music. Fun times.

And while I was caught up in the story, I couldn’t help but notice how everyone from F. Murray Abraham on down was rocking some very frilly, very awesome lace cuffs.

So I dug into the stash, found some suitable sock yarn and made a pair.

Granted, the sartorialists in 18th century Vienna were wearing white lace cuffs while my 21st century version are rather more colorful, but that’s the fun of Knitdown 2010.

The cuffs are made from Lorna’s Laces Shepherd’s Sock Multi in Ashburn. The pattern is for sale for three bucks on Ravelry and Etsy.

But wait, you say, you’re charging?

Well, yeah. Given the complexity of the pattern for the product, I felt like I could ask you for three bucks and you just might give it to me. I’m not expecting to get rich off of one lace cuff .pdf. Heck, I’m not even expecting to make pizza money off one lace cuff .pdf. It’s a grand experiment in social media marketing, or at least seeing how many hearts on Ravelry transform themselves into dollars.

I’m guessing I make six whole bucks off the endeavor.

I look at this picture of this chair, and I make the sassy-faced expression of an embarrassed sitcom character who has to explain previous life choices to her witty friends. There’s a lot of cheek puffing and hand waving and ellipses. It was 2002 … Target … First house … and it’s not like we have an Ikea … Y’know?

But there are no escaping facts. It was an ugly chair. Its twin? Just as ugly. Curved back, MDF, maple veneer with an off white canvas seat, splattered with eight years’ worth of dining mishaps.

In my defense, I’ll tell you how the chairs were actually a house-warming present from (I think) my parents, that these chairs were purchased because we had purchased a house, and that house had an island, and that island had room to accommodate room for two tall chairs. I’ll also tell you about the little apartment that came before the house, and how our dining options were limited to a tiny two-person table because we couldn’t fit anything else in the space.

The two-person table was replaced with a sturdy farmhouse table made out of actual maple wood in 2004. In the autumn of 2008, I replaced the dining room chairs (two of which were the little brothers of these bad boys, and two of which were, sigh, folding) with four delightfully banged up black, cane-bottomed babies that I’d found in a consignment shop in Nob Hill.

See? Black and ladder-backed and awesome and seating for four.

The dining arrangements were moving up.

But that still left the island chairs.

They languished until last weekend, when, after mucking out the kitchen, doing our taxes, buying a new rug for the living room, doing a donation run to Goodwill, doing a donation run to the library and rejecting a new house in the north valley, we decided that yeah, we couldn’t it off any longer. It was time to do something about Those Chairs.

Fortunately for me, I had three yards of gray Passion Vine from Amy Butler’s Nigella home décor weight line just trashing up my project room, waiting to be turned into anything. Anything at all. ANYTHING.

And the Capt’n had two rattle cans’ worth of black engine enamel just taking up space in the garage.

Do you see where this is going? Amy Butler fabric meets automotive product. Yeah, this is one of my finer moments.

Sand, spray, staple.

Recovering those chairs has meant the world to the kitchen. Now all I have to do is repaint the walls and refinish the cabinets and it’ll be perfect.

Sort of drizzly Sunday stew:

Get a pound of stew meat from the butcher, pat it dry, roll it in flour and brown it in two tablespoons melted butter and two tablespoons olive oil.

Add in some minced shallots and cook for a few minutes. Throw a sliced onion on top of that and let it cook slowly for a few minutes more.

On top of that, dump a full container’s worth (32 ounces) of beef broth over the top. Toss in some salt (not too much), a bunch of ground black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, about an 1/8th of a cup of sugar and a dash of ground cloves. While you’re waiting for that to simmer, drop in two sliced carrots. Maybe a diced up potato can go in now, too, but it hasn’t been tested in the lab. But sure, live dangerously.

Simmer, partially covered, in a big green enameled pot, because those French know how to make cookware.

About an hour into the proceedings, add another two cups of water into the mix. Keep simmering for another 90, checking every so often to stir, until the liquid’s reduced to a nice, rich sludge of caramelized goodness and the meat’s falling apart at the touch of a spoon. Serve with hot biscuits dripping with butter.

I think the hardest part of late winter in the middle Rio Grande valley is the yo-yo effect. A beautiful day of sunshine and temperatures edging towards 70° can be wiped out in ten minutes’ time and replaced with ominous dark clouds and snowflakes the size of dinner plates. It’s hot, it’s cold! It’s up! It’s down! It’s hearing “Eight Days a Week” on the radio! It’s a bad Katy Perry song!

It’s demoralizing, waiting out winter’s retreat. Like the showboater in your sophomore year production of Hamlet (the one you still regret kissing at the wrap party, even though it’s been a good fifteen years since), this sulking seasonal Dane is going to rally and then mope and wring every last minute of its time on stage. (“O, I die, Horatio!)

So why not start a sock project?

But not a flimsy little sock done up in 81,000 yarns of sock yarn. Not a sock that will slouch and offer a foot only a thin layer of merino protection against the cold, tile floors in the winter of my discontent.

To hell with that. If I’m going to knit a sock to guard against winter, it’s going to be heavy-duty wool knit on heavy duty needles. So let’s give it up for Mission Falls 1824 triple stranded aran-weight SUPAHWAAAAASH!

This sock isn’t going to take any of winter’s crap. A pattern will be up eventually.

The first, free pattern to come out of Knitdown2010 is now ready for your consumption.

Click Blue Monday to download.

Go, go! Knit it up and send me a photo of your finished product.

Knitdown2010 continues apace.

So far I have made three gloves, a hat for a baby, a shawl blanket for another baby, an infinity scarf and the cuffs you see blocking on the beer.

I have not made a workable .pdf of any of my patterns.

Win some, lose some.

Confession:

After a day in the real world where I had to tell clients that the exciting new product had “just been in beta” and that the “beta” had been shut down for the moment, I came home and made the executive decision that I could not face fixing the crazy PDF problem. About all I could face were four episodes of 30 Rock, where I did nothing except gape at the television, punctuated with pointing at the screen and telling the Capt’n that my life! It’d be like that if I didn’t have you! except, you know, the part where I’m a zillion pounds heavier and not working in television.

I didn’t even knit. Since we’re in the safe space? I pulled out 30 rows on a glove.

I know. I know.

And I don’t even have the courtesy to illustrate this post with a photograph.

Such a slacker I’ve become.

Yeah, you think that the big announcement tomorrow will be the rumored iSlate.

Have I got a taste for you.

Just a taste of what's coming up in the knitdown

Just as soon as I can get myself together and shrink the original .PDF file from 16MB down to a reasonable 2MB, there will be the first official D’oh!Mestic.com Knitdown2010 project.

And you’re going to love it.